All parents experience a child’s behavioral outburst. From the outside a tantrum and a meltdown look very similar, but they are not.

A tantrum is a willful behavior that expects an audience. It may stem from frustration at not getting what he or she may want. Tantrums are usually a normal part of development. There are times when tantrums are more frequent or behaviorally more difficult and this can interfere with development. While tantrums may occur when a child is tired, or ill, it is always goal oriented. Either the frustration is not being able to get what he or she wants, or not being able to communicate what is wanted.

Tantrums may be addressed by:

• making sure the child is safe (not physically harming self, not physically flailing or throwing things)
• by ignoring the behavior or not rewarding the tantrum with attention
• by distractions or hugs
• making your goal to de-escalate, but not eliminate as tantrums are a typical part of development
• physically removing the child from the situation or area especially when the child’s goal is in sight (example- more cookies)
• self talk “this is typical development and I can help the child through this”; “my parent job is to teach by modeling calm”; “This will pass”
• setting a realistic limit and sticking to it
• not being punitive
• not fueling the situation by trying to reason with talk

A meltdown may look the same as a tantrum. However it is a response to be overwhelmed by an experience, a change, or sensory overload. Meltdowns do not need an audience.

Meltdowns can be helped by:

• making sure the child is safe
• developing a calming routine
• watching for symptoms of escalation before the full blown behavior occurs
• staying calm yourself and waiting it out

Parenting is difficult. Take care of yourself. Reach out for help if you need it.